For as long as I remember I've played videogames for enjoyment. But lately I feel that my joy in these games is nonexistant. The past few years I've played games more for the reason to relieve stress than to have fun or pass the time. However the past year it seems that games are causing me stress instead. Especially when it comes to online interactions. Games with comedy in them help me forget some of my current problems but its short lived when the game shuts off. Even worse if a video of my gameplay footage is online or I read something online that makes a reference to that game I end up reading things that instead tear me down.
While I try to ignore it as best as I can. I go about my normal routine in a game and then end up breaking down almost to the point of tears. My mind just floods with thoughts of what others have said to me. I know I'm not the best and I'm not trying to be but I end up being ridiculed. To make things worse there are some people that hold a grudge against me for months on end over a simple win. I know I've made mistakes but I try to do my best to let it go that's when someone else decides to bring it up.
I guess to make matters worse. I grew to a point that I just absolutely stopped playing online with anyone. Friends or random people. I couldn't take it anymore. It was bad enough when a random player said crap about me. But it was made much worse when I had friends treat me the same. However now I feel its gotten much worse. I lost the will to do livestreams and I break down nearly in tears when I play games. I've tried multiple ways to forget people's judgements even hypnosis but no effect.
I've talked with others about this problem and there solution is to quit games entirely and find a new hobby. The only other hobbies I have cost far more money than gaming and I honestly wouldn't call them hobbies. There's not much else out there I would like to do that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. Just more something to do when I'm bored. Its why I'm asking for advice on what to do.