Wednesday, February 6, 2013

February - My Emotional Rollercoaster

I have a hard time dealing with myself these days.  I have a hard time sticking around online. A hard time sleeping. A hard time doing any hobby. And I've tried for well over 2 months to get over it.  No real success.  It seems old wounds run deep for me. I've tried leaving then come back. I just end up having flashbacks of what happened back in those days.  I envy those that can just write off everything as, "Oh well that person is stupid." I'm just not that way.

I have a hard time controlling my thoughts and honestly I just wish I could end it all.  I don't even have the will to do that. I hate this feeling. Its worse cause I fight off thoughts of hurting others.  I know I shouldn't be this way but its hard to get over this especially when I end up dragged back down. I know I keep being told, "hey get over it. blah blah blah." I try and get over it then something just comes up and I can't leave it like I want to. I want to but the those old memories just keep ringing through my head when I try to play games.  

Sorry to be spamming my feelings and whining about stuff you don't care about.  I can't tell you what exactly I'm playing through cause even I don't know any more.  I can't really think straight and there's very few things keeping me happy. Sorry to have wasted your time with this.