While I won't get a much needed vacation ever (cause people won't let me and no money to do so anyway). I need time away from well...everything as much as possible. I'm not gonna last the year at the rate I'm going now. My physical and mental health has worsened. I can't sleep properly without the use of some sort of sleep aid. I haven't really gotten anything I need or want done. As it stands right now I'm not even moving at my own pace.
The stress is getting to me not just from online places etc. where I won't care the next day but at home as well. Cause of this I've contemplated suicide and many other dangerous acts on an almost daily basis. With no healthcare insurance due to expensive cost I've been fending for myself in terms of making sure I'm not dead the next day.
My sleeping is not only interupted but generally brought to a point where parts of my body will twitch or experience muscle spasms preventing me from falling asleep. I end up sleeping during the day or really all day and most of the night. Afterwards I get scolded by friends saying I just need force myself to get up and stop making excuses. While going to the hospital is the most logical thing to do. Due to having no affordable healthcare insurance and the state I live in. I'm pretty much SoL...or really I should say this state is more of a "Stop Whining and man the **** up" state. To better explain it I'm one of those few people that fall outside of the Obamacare Act where I don't have to have insurance but also can't get it cheaper.
I have a ton of family issues going on that I don't wish to talk about with people. Its rather personal and there's nothing that others can do to help about it. The friends I do ask for help can't really help either so I came to a point that I must deal with this myself. (For the most part a lot of the friends I talked to don't care either lol).
I'm gonna try and take a few days away from all of this. I'll still have stuff uploaded to youtube and all that but I don't feel like interacting with people. I'm not asking for help in this regard. There's nothing that can help my emotional scars right now. I just want to rest and forget my issues for awhile. Maybe my stress will die down.