Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Depression Quest: A Game I have No Business Playing (About Depression as well)

Get the game here: http://store.steampowered.com/app/270170/
Price: Free

First off this game is not for those who are experiencing Depression, Grief, and anything related. DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS OR SUICIDAL.

I downloaded Depression Quest as the description was appealing. Play as a character who is currently going through depression.  I figured to myself who else should play this game than someone who is going through depression and has experience with it.  Despite the warnings I played the game anyway. I also thought it would be a good way to figure out some things about myself. I did but I also feel horrible inside now.

The goal of the game is teach people and better inform them about what those with Depression go through on an almost daily basis. It is a text-based adventure that offers many choices as to what to do. Depending on your choices determines the future options you can select from as some may be crossed off bared from you cause of the characters current state of mind. The activities and environments described is based on real life scenarios. While this game can't possibly cover every scenario it does a great job in relating to the general audience. This is coming from someone who has depression and the scenes depicted rather pegged me to the letter.  I cried going through it and thought to myself I do the same things.

I only say give this game a playthrough if for one you're not a depressed individual and not suicidal. I think the game makes its message clear. Its trying to make everyone realize that Depression is not some load of crap that crazy people go through and clears up the many myths about depression that people have heard. It also reaches deeper than what magazines, documentaries, and most doctors, say about the condition.

My Personal Gameplay Experience

My experience going through game aside from what I said above. There's a lot of things that hit home. I made the choices based on what I would do in the given situation. I stopped about an hour later as it was getting late. Not sure if I'll finish the game due to how I'm feeling right now.  The things described were almost exactly what I was thinking at the time.  Hell I experienced it myself in real life. A couple of examples.

  • Mother shows up and starts scanning the room looking for something to complain about then asks a question that feels like someone is squeezing your heart tight. Can't really come up with an answer for fear that she will judge and dismiss your concerns right there telling you to man up.  
  • Your friend calls and constantly insist that you do something for him/her. You say you can't and keep getting a lecture and sales pitch. You get to the point that you think if you go things will go badly and your friendship will be broken so you make up a lie on the spot to get out of it. 
  • You have so much free time and decide to work on a project ideas ready to go. However once you start you find that your mind's a complete blank and unable to get anything done. So to avoid getting further frustrated you occupy yourself with other time-wasters till it gets late like Skype, Twitter, your phone, etc.
  • Finding yourself so depressed you can't settle down to play any games in fact its absolutely frustrating. You tell your friends that you don't feel like playing and later fear the next time they ask you about it. Things will be awkward.
  • A constant thing about not wanting to worry others about yourself cause you feel you're already a burden. Make up a lie to satisfy them. You later playback what happened and wonder how things could've went better only to frustrate yourself. 
Many many many other scenarios.  I myself have gone through and still do.  I had to cry and still more or less crying now from the pain I feel. Knowing that I do those very things.  I feel absolutely terrible cause I think in the almost the very same way as described in those scenarios. I don't like feeling like a burden on others and dare not bother them with details about what's going on. I make up lie's to get them off my back cause my problems aren't as important as there's. I go above and beyond to avoid unnecessary interaction with others for fear of what they think of me. Losing sleep for unknown reasons, missing important events, feeling absolutely miserable at times. I only played for a little over an hour and caught notice of all this. 

How I feel. (This Is Unimportant)

At first I felt pretty good. I managed to recognize things that are going on in my life and have somewhat of a reasoning why I do these things. Later on the same day I felt absolutely horrible. I said to myself that I'm a horrible person for putting people through all this crap. That I'm the one at fault. I was unable to do anything. In fact after what I thought was a good night sleep I slept again later on in the day for much longer than an hour. I walked outside my room looking around thinking about how others thought about me. That they don't have time for me and I'm just in the way. Didn't help that everybody was busy today. My uncle's kids are still around needing food and other things. My sister having a look of why am I even here. My mom venting her daily stress from work and coming home to vent some more about silly things. I practically went into my own world. I just about missed dinner.

I told my friends about this game and how bad it made me feel. I don't think they understood the way I was hoping to. One had to go to work so he didn't have time. Another insisted that I do another activity to make me laugh. I really didn't want to. The 3rd person I told replied that its just a game. The 4th never responded and went offline an hour later. I tried to switch to another activity but all it did was postpone my feelings. Even now I'm still up from what happened. I tried to get the 3rd friend to understand why I was miserable by explaining how much I could relate to the game. I wasn't expecting much of a positive response in the first place. I thought to myself that internet friends can only do so much to help.  

I still don't want to talk to my friends I know that live nearby. They have enough to deal with on there own. They always say there available to help but often times I think they're overdoing it and shouldn't be bothered with someone like me. Even more so I have a strong feeling of the responses they'll give. I would say I don't want to hear it but I would like to feel like someone cares a bit more than generic TV show stuff. Mom's too busy with work and my sister is stressed out too. I have to be the guy that helps everyone else out. I think that's enough about myself. 


Although this game isn't for those that are going through depression. This game does its purpose and lets people know what depression really is. I hope more people play it so they themselves can see how serious a matter this is.