Tuesday, October 27, 2015

I'm Still Around, But Not Really, Don't Want To Be Either...

Yeah I'm in a depressed mood again. I can blame no one but myself for it. Yesterday (from when I'm writing this) I said some things to people that made them feel awkward and rather pissed off at me. Generally from answering a question that was asked. At first I kept telling myself that they shouldn't have asked in the first place if they weren't ready for the answer. But eventually that stopped working.  I looked back at how many times this has happened on other occasions and its pretty often.

I don't think I need to be around people. For the most part it always seems to happen when I try to be myself or give an honest answer. Considering my track record and many articles I've read. I'm generally the type of person no one really wants around. Or they want me to be around just so I can be the one to take punches. Really I think no one likes me to show the real me. I admit that there's things I don't like about myself and I've tried to change that. But then there's parts that no one likes and can never belong. Fitting in is hard. I'm not looking to fit in but I don't want to be hated and hurt either.

I guess that's the reason why I don't like being around people. Aside from the obvious. My views although different are never respected and always questioned or really they're always shunned. This along with family issues really puts me in a bad position. No one wants me to be myself. They want someone else.

Well I guess I should get to the point rather than complaining. The point I'm making. I'm not really gonna be around to talk to/play online/whatever. I'll still be here but I don't want to interact with people as much as I can help it. I'm tired of getting hurt. And I'm tired of dealing with people. I need to be alone. This is something no medication can fix. I have to fix it myself.