Note: I can't record with my voice. I can barely talk at this point. Canker sores in my mouth are too painful to even talk/eat. So no voice.
The problem arose when friends, family, and other acquantinces didn't believe in me at all. None of them supported this idea. They told me to go out and get a quote unquote "REAL JOB" and make "REAL MONEY". I was determined to prove them wrong in saying I could do it. They told me that the reasons I left my older jobs were stupid and that the experiences I went through in those jobs are all apart of life and that I don't really have a choice when it comes to avoiding stress, choosing my own type of job, suicidal thoughts, etc. They called me a coward in pursuing this type of job.
I thought I was proving them wrong at first but, it slowly kept showing its face that I was completely wrong. I've been at this for quite a few years. I managed to endure the ridiculing, the lack of encouragement, the guilt tripping, and the peer pressure. Really I ignored it. I was pissed that no one close to me believed in me. That they still wanted to control my life. I found something that I myself wanted to do and wasn't forced into doing. I didn't want to bend over backwards for other people.
I'm not blaming anyone for my failures of Youtube Partnership but myself. I must've did something wrong with everything I tried. My circumstances can't really make an excuse for it.
Honestly I just can't see Youtube as a way to support myself any longer. I don't want to admit it but its highly likely that everyone that said I can't do it is correct. I'm not meant for it. I can't be like other Youtubers that I feel are successful without breaking there back. Its why the title is what it is. Cause I said awhile back that if things don't change then I'll just have seriously cutback on youtube and go somewhere else.
My Problems With Youtube
I just hate commentary. I don't want to talk over videogames. I want to listen to the game music. The in-game sound. I know personally that commentary doesn't stop copyright claims from being thrown up. Only commentary I was willing to do was if I had to record with a webcam or attempt to make my microphone work. Even then I prefer the in-game sound over everything. I feel that viewers don't need to know what I'm thinking. I think that they're smart enough to be able to know what's going on in the game. I don't care for videogame trivia. And I really have nothing that I'm willing to talk about in a video towards my imaginary audience. Nothing I feel they should hear. Most importantly I want viewers to hear the in-game sound, not some random guy talking about whatever.
Most of all when it comes to commentary I hate doing it alone. I hate doing commentary with people I don't know. And I hate trying to record but end up with failures. I don't understand why its important for the viewers to hear my voice. Its why I wrote out stuff on this blog about my thoughts on the game. I want viewers to talk about the gameplay not some of my random thoughts. I see this in tons of comments of videos all the time. Everyone talks about what this person said in the video not about the gameplay. It bothers me. What's the point of even having gameplay. You just make it a radio talk show.
I hate livestreaming now. Not only do the livestreaming sites require high end specs. But its more about talking to the chat than it is actually playing the game. Even more I'm bothered by people that constantly go on and on about how they want to be acknowledge. I feel even worse when I see constant notifications about how this person subscribed or how much he/she donated. I'm not saying people don't deserve be acknowledged but I feel like they're life is depending on whether someone say hi to them.
I also hate that streaming viewers is dependant on if you can stream for more than 4 hours a day. I don't want to do that anymore. I not only lack the proper equipment to stream. But when it comes to software problems the software developers never answer my problems. Really I should say they answer once then go away and never return.
I'm also bothered by what seems to be the trend is acting like an idiot, yelling, screaming, at everything and making bad sex jokes.
I've already pretty much given up on this P.O.S. site. Its hacked way more than Paypal. You get FAR LESS MONEY going through them. Even the $1 I received from one person I can't even claim. Because Patreon took a cut of that $1. Then Paypal took a cut as well. According to Patreon's ruling I can't take it cause the total is less than a dollar.
I only took a chance on it cause I was pressured into it. I figured why not. Lets see how much this works.
Not Playing M-Rated Games
Yes. I feel this is a factor to my popularity. I simply refuse to play M Rated games. I can't stand them at this point. They disturb me to the point that I'll end up having nightmares or reminded of a traumatic experience. While I realize there's some games I want to play that are M-Rated. I feel I shouldn't compromise on my standing just cause 1 or 2 games are something I like.
I'm still reluctant to try and play online. I've had way too many horrible experiences with it. I rather not subject myself to it again to torture myself. Even when I feel brave enough to jump online. By the time I do no one's around. Everyone's left for the next biggest game. I pretty much stopped relying on friends to play some random online multiplayer game with. They pretty much stopped by the time I reach halfway. I got to the point that I personally remove those people from Skype cause they're just taking up space. Or worse all they want to talk about is there personal problems they have with my youtube channel.
Other things I Want to Note
I won't want to use the word hypocrite since it sounds rather harsh. I pretty much unsubscribed from these people as a whole. I got sick of hearing it really.
- Example: How can you say Tales of Zestiria is such a horrible game when you're still playing it. Or worse I should say you're playing through it more than once. I can understand getting your money's worth but to do something like say buy the Japanese version then later buy the English version. Is it really as horrible as you say it is or are you holding something you found wrong against it? I can't see the logic there. I guess our definitions of horrible are vastly different.
Only One Way To Play
I still hate these people. I can't stand em. Your strategy isn't absolute. Unless you yourself made absolutely certain that your way is the ONLY way to play. Then shut up.
I tend to misuse the word respect when it comes to this. You can carry on a discussion/argument/whatever without the need to insult someone. If you can't do that then whatever we were talking about is over.
Graphic/FPS (Frames-Per-Second) Nazis
I really don't care for graphics. If I want graphics then I can just surf google for whatever game/movie image I want to see. The stuff I find is drawn far better than what I see in a game/movie.
The whole beg for 720, 1080, 1440, 4000p. Ugh...So annoying to deal with. I don't like up-scaling anything. I like playing in the quality that is either original or one where I don't have to pay 500 bucks for. When you upscale quality. You end up pretty much destroying the graphics you supposedly love. Even if you smooth it over. It doesn't help.
Frames per Second. Ugh...I guess you see things in slow-motion or something. I can't tell the difference between frame rates. You can show me all the example videos, data, whatever. I don't see the difference. To me the Phrase "Frames Per Second" is just some lame argument point that people use when they want to prove something. I don't think people are thinking about frame data when they're playing Halo. While you can say its used in fighting games. I have a feeling that goes out the window when a match starts. Really I think people use frame data as a way to try and sound smart.
Honestly someone else said this best. But if your top value is graphics and I mean in terms of quality. You're likely spoiled and you're gonna end up hating the current game you're playing right now in about 10-20 years. You probably won't even notice it. Cause these graphics you love today will become obsolete. If you can't appreciate it the old stuff. Then just toss the games your currently playing in the garbage after 5 years. I'm sorry but I'm really bothered by people that are pretty much Graphic Nazis.
Why aren't you commenting?
Really I'm looking for the honest answer. Cause Youtube's ratings or analyitics or whatever its called is crap. I can't base anything on it. The only comments I remove are insults and spam. And really I don't even remove those cause Google does it on its own. I might see a random comment on my phone or Gmail as a notification. Then when I try to view the full comment its dissapeared. Why? Cause Google already marked it as spam. I do go over those comments and decide for myself if its spam or not.
But anyway why aren't you commenting? I just want an honest answer. To me if someone comments then that means something in the video is good or there's something to take notice of. I hate the like system cause there's those people that will just like every single video you upload. I almost feel like its a bot. I guess it doesn't matter now considering the way things are.
Packing My Things
I pretty much prepared myself for the likely scenario of what's to happen with my Youtube channel. I know people say don't start doubting yourself or you won't succeed. But I don't think that applies to me in this case. Its likely that the month of December won't see a noticeable change in views and ad revenue. You can cry the simple answers that I always hear but I have responses for all of them.
- Commentary: I have proof that it doesn't work....
- Something Special: Like what exactly?
- Use the handbook: The YT Handbook isn't designed towards gamers. Its designed towards V-Loggers.
- LiveStream: I hate LiveStreaming. Lack proper equipment to do so and the software sucks.
- Keep Doing what you're doing: Well what I'm doing isn't working so.
- Play XXXX Game: Viewers don't really care and its impossible for me to keep up with the latest trend.
You might say that I'm just beating myself up and not even trying. But I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not as lucky. I feel my efforts are wasted. And I'm virtually alone in all of this. I'm sorry.