Saturday, October 8, 2016

10 Years of Youtube

Looking back at this. I honestly didn't see myself going down this path. I would have to say that the time I've spent on Youtube has been some of the most drama filled time I've ever gone through.  It's had its ups and its downs.


Probably one the things I hate about myself as a person is that I tend to remember the mostly negative stuff in my life. But that's generally because not only have I had a lot of it growing up. But the scenes and memories were that unique compared to my good ones. It's hard for me to remember the good stuff since it's blotted out by the bad most of the time or that someone takes my good memories and exposes them as a bad light.

The Bad and the Horrible

Let's get these out the way first. Then I can try and focus on the good.

MUGEN - Bad. While I don't really want call this person out cause this guy was like a virus that couldn't be killed. Simply mentioning his name or disliking anything he likes in MUGEN would put you on his shit list. He would make tons of accounts as well. Far more accounts than you can count. If you want to compare it to someone. Compare this to how many accounts the most hated/notorious FGC members have across various consoles and you could say this guy had triple that many Youtube accounts. Even when you left him alone he would come back like Terumi to make sure you don't forget him.
Annoying - What caused me to quit MUGEN in the first place. Having so many people beg me to send them various characters to there e-mail. These messages would never stop.

Aftermath: While I have no idea what the standing is in the MUGEN community. I haven't really seen much come from MUGEN. Or many of its players.

The first channel Ban

This was bad. Having Toei or whatever Japanese company toss up copyright strikes. Was just no good. Youtube didn't want to hear of it. You never had a chance to rectify the problem. It was just a straight up ban. Although it would always read on the channel that it's suspended. You really were banned.
Aftermath: Well I'm here now.

Monster Hunter Tri - My adventures in Monster Hunter began and ended with this game. For one mistake I made to call out a famous well known Monster Hunter Player about something he said came with a huge backclash. It was at this point that I learned that the justice system is never fair and balanced.  I just had to conceed and back down, despite knowing that they were in the wrong as well. I would say this is the start of when I started seeing things differently.
Aftermath - While the guy managed to upload the video he stole from me to another site to continue to troll me. (You can find it here:
There is some solace to this significant event. The main trouble makers had there accounts banned on GameFAQs and Youtube. At this point in time they have probably made new accounts or just switched to there "backup" accounts.  I am glad something good came out of it. However this event is still a huge stain on my bad memories.

Fighting Game Community Or Really the Online Community in General Sucks

This was around the time that Maximillian of Youtube was becomming a rising star. I honestly felt that playing fighting games online was just full of negative people. I reasoned with myself that I live on the darkside of the online community and can never get out. This was cause of the rate of how many players I've faced consistently sending hate mail, rage quitting, etc. I rarely had experienced good sportsmanship players out of all the matches I played. It was at this point I heavily limited the time I spent playing online including livestreaming.  I didn't want to put up with it any longer.

While others called me a baby for taking such an extreme action. I didn't care. This was for my mental health to avoid being influenced by these negative people. It was due to this, family problems, and the Monster Hunter Fiasco that I did once contemplate suicide with having an actual plan in mind.
I later reasoned with myself that my death would change nothing and that no one would really care that I was gone. I would disappear and then after a few weeks everyone would've forgotten about me.

Aftermath: I still heavily limit myself in terms of Online Play. I still believe that I generally live on the darkside of the online gaming community. I don't play online unless I truly feel confident about going online. I'm reluctant to attempt to play any online game due to seeing certain actions of other players in the majority of videos and comments.

Family Crisis and Finding Friends

This was a major point in my life. As I learned many things during this time. Due to a family crisis I ended up having to take care of my cousins who weren't old enough to take care of themselves. This led to a lot of priority changes. Having to cut back on Youtube I still tried to do as much as I could to keep my Youtube going.  I was incredibly stressed out to the point of contemplating suicide once more.

At the same time I learned who was really around to help me get through that troubling time. While some friends suggested that I abandon the problem and run away. Others at least listened to problem and tried to help out.
Aftermath: While my uncle still has issues the kids are well. They are no longer here. A lot of people I thought were helpful as friends or family I learned were not. The blow that I recieved in from having to cut back on Youtube for a time period is something I feel I'm still trying to recover from.

The Good

Like I said before I have tough time remembering the good. Due to how signficant the bad is. Being consistently reminded of it doesn't help either.

Getting rid of Toxic People

Definitely my best decision of my life. Cutting these people out helped significantly in the emotional department as well as gaming. While it may not have helped out in terms of Youtube ad revenue department. I rather feel good about myself than have money and feel terrible about it due to toxic people.

Still Alive

I have to count my good where I can. Considering everything bad that's happened in my life as a whole. I'm still here. Yeah its cliche but I can't think of a better way to say it.

I do wish things would be going better for me but I think everyone wants that for themselves as well.