Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Update March 1st So Much I'm not gonna get cause of money.

Start of a new month and things are still not as desired.  But nothing I can really do to change that.


Well my uncle's kids are still around. There's still a lot of drama and controversy going on in that regard.  My uncle trying to play the system so he can come out with more cash. His wife is generally ok now she's back on her medication...for the time being.  However we're still stuck with the kids. DFACS (Child Services) is rather lazy in this regard. I think the person in charge of the case has been switched around 5 times already.  They don't call and they're supposed to have set up a court day for my uncle and aunt to see if they're capable of taking care of the kids. Nothing has been said.  We can't get any financial support cause we're family.  Would've been nice if we did get that.  So the most we get is a couple of cash handouts here and there from a few people. The money given is at least something but nothing to really write home about. At least its something.

To be honest I'm rather pissed off at my uncle. While he is a nice guy he likes to play everyone for his own benefits. Not saying he's a bad father at heart. Just a very lazy one. He's not ready mentally to be a father in my opinion and he needs to work on that.

My depression in the past couple of weeks to months really went off the scale. The past 2 weeks was the worst of it.  I had a few days where I was crying uncontrollably in a public place. It was so bad that friends had to take me home. Aside from how embarrassing that was I kept thinking about how badly I treat everyone cause of this depression. I really don't deserve them as friends. I couldn't think straight for the most part and last saturday was the worst of it.  My brain just kept screaming at me to kill myself. It wasn't fun at all since I wasn't at home. I was at a special meeting. Mentally I wasn't there I was busy battling my mind to not make a scene. But everyone that saw me gave me awkward looks, ignored me, or stopped to ask what was wrong. I couldn't really respond properly.  How bad it was for me, I had a good 6 - 8 seats next to me in the place empty. These are normally filled especially near the front row. Not fun. Most of that day I was thinking of ways to kill myself. Like tie my jacket around the bathroom stall and hang myself.  I don't know how I made it through that day. I guess it was the last talk that motivated me try and keep living.

Monday rolled around I finally got to see a doctor about all this.  One that can prescribe medication for this problem.  I'm not entirely too sure but it felt like he suspected that I was going to use drugs just to get high.  He didn't ask too much about my depressive episodes or suicidal thoughts. He spent more time explaining what medication does than anything. Like a college professor explanation. This guy literally pulled a book from his shelf and showed me how the medicine works. Then he tells me after prescribing some medication that he's going to retire next month. So the next time I go which is in April. I'm supposed to see a different doctor.  Well the medicine he prescribed is the same stuff I was on as a kid.  Says I won't really see a difference till a week later and take 1 every morning.


Well this is what you're concerned about right. I shouldn't bore you with life things.  I hate to say it but likely for the next couple of months I won't have much to talk about in the gaming department. Taxes, family cost, and other things seem to have eaten up my money.  I made plans to get games like DBZ Xenoverse, KH2.5, Under Night In-Birth EXE-Late. etc. but considering everything I need to get done this likely won't happen for another couple of months if it all.

From what I gather in terms of money. I have to take care of the following first.

  • Taxes: Well for whatever reason it cost money for me to file. When last year it didn't and nothing changed between now and back then. At least I don't owe.
  • Family: We're still struggling to make sure there's food on the table as well as bills paid. 
  • Doctor: Well I gotta pay some money despite having free insurance. Not everything is as free as it sounds.
  • Furniture: I'm in need of a new computer desk and things like a filing cabinet.
  • Prepping house for spring: Cause of what happened last year I need to make sure that insects like Wasps and spiders aren't going to be a nuisance this year.  
I'm not gonna be able to afford all this right away but its on my list.

Anyway what's on Youtube or coming is...

NiGHTs Journey of Dreams is finished.  Just finally managed to upload the true ending without copyright issues.

Suikoden - I'm working around Suikoden. I tried to upload it as a full walkthrough but Konami keeps claiming it. Unless its shortened videos. Guess they don't want how to videos on there games.  I asked them about it on Twitter and there staff knows nothing about it.  -_- smh.  I guess it'll just be boss fights then.

Gundam Breaker 2. I kinda slowed down on cause I wanna get certain parts before I beat the game. Playing online isn't exactly fun when everyone online is all about killing everything quick. So I can't farm online and I'm constantly being rushed.  There's also tons of DLC missions coming out by the week so I'm doing those as well.

Soulcalibur Lost Swords: You might not believe this but from the looks of things I'm done with the game.  The past 6 updates haven't shown any new quest to take on. New event stuff but no new characters. Just the same 3 overpriced ones. So I guess I'm done with the game.  Shame cause I was hoping they would add Aeon and a couple of characters to the game. Oh well.

Skylanders: Trap Team - This game just gets expensive as time goes. I didn't want to continue till I got some new guys but from the looks of the store that's not likely to happen.  I seriously looked around and found nothing. Bad thing is cause of where I live, finding skylanders figures is painfully hard to do without overpaying online.  I guess I'll finish it up soon. Just wish I could find those figures from my wishlist.

Street Fighter Alpha 3 - Nothing of note here just a world tour mode run.  Thought it would be fun to show. Nothing skillful sadly.  I can't do all that fancy crap like crouch canceling, instant guard breaks, etc.

Suikoden II - I already finished Suikoden I. Just moving on to Suikoden II.  Glad its on PSN now.

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire - Sorry I haven't been playing this as often as I should. Depression, motivation and other things keep getting my way.

Strike Suit Zero - I like this game. But I hate OBS (Open Broadcast Software) as a screen recorder for this game. Half the time I keep getting black screens as my recordings. Every other time its very crap quality for a supposed 1280p.  I don't see the appeal of OBS as screen recording software so I'm going to look for something else that's reliable to record.  I've given OBS enough chances as it is.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Depression Quest: A Game I have No Business Playing (About Depression as well)

Get the game here:
Price: Free

First off this game is not for those who are experiencing Depression, Grief, and anything related. DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS OR SUICIDAL.

I downloaded Depression Quest as the description was appealing. Play as a character who is currently going through depression.  I figured to myself who else should play this game than someone who is going through depression and has experience with it.  Despite the warnings I played the game anyway. I also thought it would be a good way to figure out some things about myself. I did but I also feel horrible inside now.

The goal of the game is teach people and better inform them about what those with Depression go through on an almost daily basis. It is a text-based adventure that offers many choices as to what to do. Depending on your choices determines the future options you can select from as some may be crossed off bared from you cause of the characters current state of mind. The activities and environments described is based on real life scenarios. While this game can't possibly cover every scenario it does a great job in relating to the general audience. This is coming from someone who has depression and the scenes depicted rather pegged me to the letter.  I cried going through it and thought to myself I do the same things.

I only say give this game a playthrough if for one you're not a depressed individual and not suicidal. I think the game makes its message clear. Its trying to make everyone realize that Depression is not some load of crap that crazy people go through and clears up the many myths about depression that people have heard. It also reaches deeper than what magazines, documentaries, and most doctors, say about the condition.

My Personal Gameplay Experience

My experience going through game aside from what I said above. There's a lot of things that hit home. I made the choices based on what I would do in the given situation. I stopped about an hour later as it was getting late. Not sure if I'll finish the game due to how I'm feeling right now.  The things described were almost exactly what I was thinking at the time.  Hell I experienced it myself in real life. A couple of examples.

  • Mother shows up and starts scanning the room looking for something to complain about then asks a question that feels like someone is squeezing your heart tight. Can't really come up with an answer for fear that she will judge and dismiss your concerns right there telling you to man up.  
  • Your friend calls and constantly insist that you do something for him/her. You say you can't and keep getting a lecture and sales pitch. You get to the point that you think if you go things will go badly and your friendship will be broken so you make up a lie on the spot to get out of it. 
  • You have so much free time and decide to work on a project ideas ready to go. However once you start you find that your mind's a complete blank and unable to get anything done. So to avoid getting further frustrated you occupy yourself with other time-wasters till it gets late like Skype, Twitter, your phone, etc.
  • Finding yourself so depressed you can't settle down to play any games in fact its absolutely frustrating. You tell your friends that you don't feel like playing and later fear the next time they ask you about it. Things will be awkward.
  • A constant thing about not wanting to worry others about yourself cause you feel you're already a burden. Make up a lie to satisfy them. You later playback what happened and wonder how things could've went better only to frustrate yourself. 
Many many many other scenarios.  I myself have gone through and still do.  I had to cry and still more or less crying now from the pain I feel. Knowing that I do those very things.  I feel absolutely terrible cause I think in the almost the very same way as described in those scenarios. I don't like feeling like a burden on others and dare not bother them with details about what's going on. I make up lie's to get them off my back cause my problems aren't as important as there's. I go above and beyond to avoid unnecessary interaction with others for fear of what they think of me. Losing sleep for unknown reasons, missing important events, feeling absolutely miserable at times. I only played for a little over an hour and caught notice of all this. 

How I feel. (This Is Unimportant)

At first I felt pretty good. I managed to recognize things that are going on in my life and have somewhat of a reasoning why I do these things. Later on the same day I felt absolutely horrible. I said to myself that I'm a horrible person for putting people through all this crap. That I'm the one at fault. I was unable to do anything. In fact after what I thought was a good night sleep I slept again later on in the day for much longer than an hour. I walked outside my room looking around thinking about how others thought about me. That they don't have time for me and I'm just in the way. Didn't help that everybody was busy today. My uncle's kids are still around needing food and other things. My sister having a look of why am I even here. My mom venting her daily stress from work and coming home to vent some more about silly things. I practically went into my own world. I just about missed dinner.

I told my friends about this game and how bad it made me feel. I don't think they understood the way I was hoping to. One had to go to work so he didn't have time. Another insisted that I do another activity to make me laugh. I really didn't want to. The 3rd person I told replied that its just a game. The 4th never responded and went offline an hour later. I tried to switch to another activity but all it did was postpone my feelings. Even now I'm still up from what happened. I tried to get the 3rd friend to understand why I was miserable by explaining how much I could relate to the game. I wasn't expecting much of a positive response in the first place. I thought to myself that internet friends can only do so much to help.  

I still don't want to talk to my friends I know that live nearby. They have enough to deal with on there own. They always say there available to help but often times I think they're overdoing it and shouldn't be bothered with someone like me. Even more so I have a strong feeling of the responses they'll give. I would say I don't want to hear it but I would like to feel like someone cares a bit more than generic TV show stuff. Mom's too busy with work and my sister is stressed out too. I have to be the guy that helps everyone else out. I think that's enough about myself. 


Although this game isn't for those that are going through depression. This game does its purpose and lets people know what depression really is. I hope more people play it so they themselves can see how serious a matter this is. 

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams - End thoughts.

My Backlog:

I honestly don't know why everyone hates this game. Like most other games I see get hated on it makes no sense to me.

I bought this game years ago like 2007. Generally it was for my sister to not be bored while playing the Wii. Got it along with Sonic and the Secret Ring. I started it long ago. But for one viewers didn't want to see it and at the same time many other games came out.  So I left this game behind.  I just picked it up again recently.  Its not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.


The Wii rears its ugly head again with the damn Wii Mote. Luckily I can play with Wii Mote and Nunchuck or Classic pad.  It takes time to adjust to the controls. Its like flight controls. You can't just suddenly fly up its more of a rotating thing.  Once that's out the way and adjusted to the game is smooth sailing.


The parts I hate are the ones where I have to walk around as the kids to get to the exit or play some silly mini-game and pass it with flying colors. Helen's Story is full of this crap. Frustrating to get the hang of and meet the quota. Some of the bosses are a pain in the ass to figure out. Luckily you can pause the game and actually be given a non-cryptic hint.

The game isn't lenient on rankings. You have to be fast and nearly perfect to get even a B Rank.   I think the worst level in the game was on Helen's side where I had to hit all the musical notes. If I was too slow I got a game over. If I missed 5 notes game over. If I was too far ahead game over. To make it worse, hitting the notes in tune with the music is a pain in the ass. Since moving up and down reduces your speed a bit you have to adjust to keep up with hitting that sweet spot.

The bosses are all unique. There's no simple hit 3 times to beat every boss. You have to do something different for each one. Such as making the 3 heads of Cerberus hit each other. Or making a giant fish small enough to finish it off.

The normal gameplay I have a hard time keeping a decent chain going. Well decent by the game's standards. The game seems to want perfection if you intend to get an A Rank.

I didn't get a chance to experience the online mode cause well Wii has no online play anymore.


Although Youtube copyrighted every song. I enjoyed the music soundtrack for each level. Voice acting was decent as well. I think this was one of the main things people brought up when it came to this game. A lot of people were pissed off that NiGHTS has a voice in this game. I guess they were expecting things to be exactly like the Saturn days.


The level design and ideas behind them were very unique and well done. I wish the Sonic series would try some of this stuff. A world made of glass. You have to hit switches to shine light through a prism to unlock a path. Or using a mirror to determine the true way to go. A city of neon lights and to get through you have to ascend and descend skyscrapers to make it through. The game makes a comment about how the worlds are designed based on the character's heart. I wonder how mine would look lol. Definitely the game's finest point and I'm not a dude for graphics.


If I was to dig around for flaws. I would say that this game is way too short. I got the true ending for both sides in a matter of 4 hours. Its very short.

Another flaw I have to point out is the ranking system. You have to be pretty damn perfect to get a good rank for each stage. Definitely a step up from Sonic games where pretty much if you didn't die you got a pretty high rank.

The minor flaw that bugs me is the character's movements at times during cutscenes. I think that Will and Helen have neck problems or something while they talk. They both seem to bob there heads way too much while talking. It can get hilariously annoying. That and there seems to be times where Helen's voice gets REALLY REALLY soft.


This game is great and I wish Sonic Team would come back to this series. Or at least let Sonic take notes from this game. The trash talk and hate for this game is unwarranted and seems to be brought on by stupid things.  Although this game did get released around the time where games were judged based on voice acting.

SideNote: Sorry I cannot upload the true ending. Youtube has been claiming copyright across the board for this game.  I don't know who elicense is but it sounds like SEGA went to a third party for copyright claims.